3.21 – How To Spackle

3.21 – How To Spackle

During our latest episode, we mentioned briefly how I made an arse of myself by trying to carry a desk that was too tall for me down to the bottom floor of our house, only to lose my balance at the midway point and put said desk through our dry wall. As a result, I had to teach myself to spackle pronto! While editing the episode and preparing it for upload I thought “hey, maybe there are other people out there who could directly benefit from my experience,” so I promptly sat down at my computer, had a drink, ate a sandwich, watched Quickdraw on Hulu Plus, brushed my teeth, had another drink, napped, set the iPad aside and turned on my computer, and attacked this blog!

Note – this how-to isn’t for those of you who know how to spackle. This is for the newbies who need to know how it’s done for the first time, from beginning to end!Okay, here we go!

Step One: Put a hole in your wall. You don’t want anything too big that will cost you an arm and a leg to repair – you just want a good sized hole that will give you the ability to learn the ins and outs of how to spackle, so you’ll want to mix it up a bit. I found that putting a desk through the wall made a couple nice dents of varying sizes and types. I recommend this.

Step Two: Panic. When the wife gets home, she’s likely going to kill you, so you’d better get this fixed – and fast!

Step Three: Relax. You’re capable. Those holes mean nothing to you! You can do this!

Step Four: Go to your local hardware store, like Home Depot or Lowes, and walk around trying to figure out what it is that’s going to repair these darned holes. Don’t ask for any help. Just walk around aimlessly until you find something that looks like it will fix it. Now, put that down – that’s not it. That’s caulk, stupid. Walk around some more until you have your second “ah-ha” moment. That’s the stuff: spackle! Don’t be confused if it’s the pink stuff. In fact, if it’s the pink stuff, you probably have it! Unless you’re in the pharmacy.

Step Five: Bring the goods home and read the directions to get started.

Step Six: Panic a little more because it doesn’t look like this is working the way you expected and there’s crap all over the floor. Oh, you forgot to put a bag or something else on the floor to protect it from things falling from the sky? Moron. It’s alright, most of that will sweep up but you’ll likely want to take a mop to it. Keep your pets away – the dog especially thinks it’s candy.

Step Seven: Marvel at your completed work. Sure, it took hours, the white spots are incredibly easy to see on your wall, but it was worth it right? Besides, you’ll be able to paint over it and it will be as good as new! Also, the wife may not kill you.

If you have any tips, leave them in the comments below!

Ender Bowen is the CEO of Joint Custody Productions, and is a singer/songwriter, actor and producer. Bowen lives with his wife Emily Steele in Nashville, TN.

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